The Reserves

This is a guest blog from a friend I met here on, J.Ashley Cosby. She is a single mother to an 8 year old and also about to complete a degree in communication. Her writing inspires me in all aspects.Writing has always been a source of comfort to her in difficult circumstances, her writings has been used in various plays in Church back in NJ and has been performed to on Christmas. She is planning to write a book about her journey and I wish all the luck to her. I can say, by reading her blog that she has gone through a lot in her life, and by her writings I can say it has only evolved her being a better person.

I requested her for a guest blog, which she did very religiously, however, due to some personal upheaval, I was unable to publish it as I wanted to give it a real good introduction.

Recently, I forced myself to come to terms with a necessary change I needed to make. I chose to say goodbye to a friend who has been a major growing pain in my life. We all have read countless tales of the “ones you cannot take with you”. People who are temporary blessings and cannot remain by your side. I haplessly endure loss because it is an inevitable block on the all too transitory road of life. We are here for only a moment, and time goes by so fast. The ability to adapt to change helps propel us to our ultimate destinations. We will not move forward until we learn to let go.

I used to burn out all my energy trying to compete against the shifting tides. Still, the results are always the same. If I choose to hold on to people when I know it is time to release—I am the one who gets hurt severely. I will kick and scream. Drag my tired heart across the finish line just to say I got it right. Unfortunately, this point of view keeps me wounded and allows others to stay way past their expiration date.

I believe in cultivating purposeful interactions that breathe renewed life into my exhausted soul. I do not want to fight losing battles or force dearly departed relationships onto unpredictable respirators. There can be no peace in volatility. When you try to push a connection instead of allowing it to develop naturally—you can easily get lost. Lost in those brief happy moments. Lost in unwarranted expectation. Lost in the same destructive cycle repeatedly.

Now I understand why it is beneficial to retreat. How—when your legs are broken, you must stabilize the fractured bones. It is why cars have reserve tanks—because we do not check our limits or heed the warning signs. We charge ahead brazenly, unaware of the damage we are causing to ourselves on the inside. And usually it is our own internal, unresolved pain causes us to lash out, break down and lose face.

I dreaded what would happen once I said the words aloud. When I listened to the little voice saying, “This is not good for me”. But it was time to face the truth. Sometimes we can walk closely with people but other times we have to choose our own, separate happiness. We have the right to protect ourselves when people do not respect our boundaries. We have the right to reinvest our energy into healthier places. We can love people, pray for them, and cheer for their progress.

All of which, can be done from a distance.

I would life to dedicate this as a A Piece of Advice to me by a dear friend.

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