08-05-2016: The Day I finally Found Me!

Wow! I have been thinking about this since more than 24 hours. How far I have come!!

From being a shy, introvert girl to an outgoing, confident women. The journey is quite a good one. My life is like nail, which we put on a wall with a hammer. God has really good ways to fix the nail in the wall ( nail being me and wall being life). Hammer has to go again and again, one blow.. nope its not done yet, take another and another and another. In the end, the result is good.

Now, when I look back, I feel those blows of the hammer were important, infact very important, especially, the last one.  With a heart shredded to such small pieces, that it was difficult not to leave a few behind while picking up. But, I did pick them. Some were left behind and some I left behind intentionally. Although, I don’t know what changed me, the last blow or the pieces I left behind.

” Actually, I Just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to feel like that anymore, or ever again. So I changed. Just like that.” – Anonymous 

I read this quote, a few days back. I realized, this is exactly what happened to me. A few weeks back, I couldn’t get a good night sleep. I was practically sleepless for nights. When I  used to get sleep (only for 1-2 hours) was only between the crying. One day, I woke up and I couldn’t cry anymore, even if I wanted to. There was not even a single tear in my eyes (finally, my tear glands have dried up. #ThankGod).

I don’t remember anything before 11th standard, it seems as if I was not mentally present in those years. Last I remember is my college days. As far as I can remember, I am in a relationship, be it virtual or real or long distance ( less of real ones). I never gave time to myself. It has always been the other person or my cribbing. I never got hold of myself, never had my own identity.

The last blow, made me realise I need time, time to be myself. Took some time off, charted out the things I love the most. My love for travel and photography to start with. I am a loner and I have always been one. Just love my company, have always loved it. So, this time I decided to have a trip with the person I love, Me. Yes, I went on, not one but 2 solo trips and loved it ( pics on my shutterbug page). Spent time with myself in the Mystic Himalayas, looked at the mountains and reflected on my life.

From a person, who avoided people to going up to them and talking to them, making friends, talking, travelling alone, smiling for no reason, dancing for no reason, forgiving (not forgetting though), above all being brave enough to face what comes next. This was all not me. Now this is me. I became a doer. I found the real me.

I can go on and on, but I think I should leave some for the next time.

And,

The discovery continues…

XX

Neha C.

Inspiration: Finding Your Place

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